Fear Times Two

I didn't think it would be this way, seeing the world like I do now. A grandfather clock was ticking out the minutes with his slow dreadful swing, like a scythe that cuts the time he counts. Death the clock... Death of time. I smiled, death was everywhere I looked. A mirror stood beside the clock giving the pendulum a double image and a different mirror behind the swinging scythe expanded the images beyond the eye. Infinite death... infinite animated death. I laughed, how novel! Death for eternity! Still laughing, I interposed my body among the images of decapitation and looked at myself.

Aaaah, now here is something worse than death perhaps. That freckle two/thirds of one millimeter to the left of my nose was as annoying as ever, if only there were another freckle two/thirds on the other side as well... then maybe the balance would be more bearable. At least my eyes were the exact same shade of blue and even the lines shooting out from my pupils were in the same places. Good good, I muttered, it's bearable at least. I can suffer with this body, ah but what I wouldn't give to be like the grandfather clock or maybe even a spirit! Always perfect that way. I went to the kitchen and looked for something to eat.

Food, it always looked so strange. My body demands it but everything shouts at me, I am ugly! Chicken looks like the skin of a man, beef the blood of him... Vegetables make me feel like a cow and fish like a bear. I suppose I might as well be a cannibal today and eat a steak, at least I'll still be human. Or am I even now? I looked up at the ceiling tiles, good. Still fifty-six whole tiles and seven half tiles in the ceiling. I sat down at the table and started eating the steak... memories.

So many memories here. I heard laughter echo down the halls of time, no no no! Memories are dead! Time killed you, time kills everything! Betake yourselves into the middle! I punched myself on the jaw and threw the chair to the floor. Leave me in peace, can I have peace? Does peace exist? Maybe... The real question is, if I met peace would I know it? I laughed, no I wouldn't. If I met peace I think I might run away just because I wouldn't understand it. I approached the table again with disdain and contempt, like picking up a dead rat. Time to leave the house.

Goodbye house, goodbye yard. The sun was making the sky bright but clouds were making the ground dark in shadows. It was fall and the leaves were turning. The great change of nature, the slow march to a cold grave of snow. Death in nature! I laughed and the neighbors saw me out. They quietly slipped into their houses. My town, a ghost town... A ghost man. I walked down the streets, a ghastly breeze spreading the chill of my mood before me. Beware children! I smirked at the thought as I arrived at my destination. The house, her house... Here again.

Memories threatened to engulf me and swallow me whole, no no can't yet... later I'll remember. I knocked. The sound, that mournful sound, that hollow house, my hollow heart. I laughed at the thought, ding dong here comes the chariot of flames. The door opened. I smiled, seeing my kin. Hello sister, I said politely, have you seen the sun today? It seems to have gone out at last! She looked at me, her eyes were far, far away. Hello brother, she said softly, yes.... perhaps the night will come for us at last? I entered the house.

Darkness was there... The darkness of our hearts, perhaps of our minds? Who knows, maybe this house is as it should be the only place that matches us. Burn world! Become charcoal and a wasteland, so that I can wander it and feel like we know each other, you are too blue and light world... I must be an alien. We danced, she and I, we danced. No music playing but the one in our head, the only tune we know. Do you realize... that everyone you know... someday... will die? Ahh, perfection! This is truth, this is right! I laughed and the floor creaked. Time to go sister, I said. Yes, it is time... perhaps like the Phoenix we will rise again from the ashes? I think not though, and it would be such a shame to disturb our well earned nothingness. Maybe memories stop once I die? Heh, probably not. It would be just my life for death to be the same as life.

I chuckled, no hope anyways. No, no hope, my sister muttered. We stood there, holding each other as we pondered death. Is it just the insanity of our minds which push us here? Does the world reject us... or do we reject it? Impossible to know, she said. Someone knocked on the door. I opened it and saw something I didn't think existed. A young man stood there, golden hair, golden eyes, bronze of skin. In his eyes I saw life, and light, and hope. I was like a helpless mouse, paralyzed by the eyes of a hawk. I couldn't move away, or look away. He smiled, a true, real smile. Would you like to know the sun? He asked me. The sun... is it possible for darkness to know light? Or for insanity to regain what it once lost? He laughed, knowing my thoughts. Yes! He said, it is possible for a creature such as you to become new! You will be reborn.

Reborn... Sounds nice.

Dt