Fighting Flesh

I sat in the chair and I began to look away and into space. In the darkness of my mind I saw it all sail away. I knew them all once long ago and yet I can't recall. The names go down into darkness. The faces float past me and laugh at my distress. I'm lost in the past because I just can't let go. I lost them all and like precious jewels they were stolen away. I loved them all and like fuel to the fire they were burnt out. They were with me once and I still see faces. I slowly fade from myself and forget the names. I’d rather go into the darkness than remember. In my despair my greatest fear becomes my salvation. I lie to myself and I believe me, for I dare not remember and lose myself again. I know now nothing except for words, endless words, and the person who comes and says to me, “take these pills and get better.” Why am I in rubber walls? Why can't I go? Why won't you leave me? With you here I am never alone. I've got big brother in the corner and little sisters dancing in my mind. I know nothing like a foreigner and I can never be among my own kind. Won't you save me from myself? I put my knowledge on the shelf and slowly drift away.

Dt