I walked downhill, always downhill, and the world turned by unnoticed. But I did not, at every town I left my marks, I left a crowd. Sometimes a person would travel beside me, but I always journeyed in solitude. My life became a living haze, and I became detached and it acted in my stead. It was then I was befriended by silence, because in silence nothing horrible happened.
There was a city up ahead, full of lights, people, sound... and opportunities. My legs went faster and my skull pounded. It is happening again, it hungers. When I reached the city we fell into our routine. The haze descended thick upon my eyes, I watched as it called to the people, and to other things. They all descended in droves and its act began.
Performing perfectly the part of darkness and despair. Convincing all of my immunity to the elements, but telling all the price therein. Strong then flowed its power, and all my body felt like a thousand slicing strings pulled and cut at every member. And at the moment of most sway in the crowd, when it had almost accomplished its goal, among them stepped forward a woman.
It laughed, I followed suit, but immediately the woman gazed right past me at it. I collapsed as it seethed in rage behind me, and my breath came shallow. But with my own eyes I saw the woman clad in white and heard her voice. Her voice was agony to me, but I can't imagine the pain that it felt. I was able to stand and I could barely feel the thing around me.
"You can be free," she said, but the storm, the storm will get me. "The storm is already getting you child." She countered. "Look, it's all around you, and inside of you now." My eyes were opened and the tempest appeared in the sky. "There is a way to escape the judgement permanently, and to live a life of no storms, only necessary rain." No more... lightning.
But, I have to see it, to know it is for me to have. Too many promises broken already, how could I trust? She sighed, "follow me, and soon enough you will have enough evidence to His unwavering promise." So I did, even though every step intensified the pain, with each breath I breathed a little less, and through my waking or sleeping eyes I saw its evil face. But will I and He agree?
Dt
Break Free
8 years ago
4 comments:
Okay...I still want more but I can begin to give you an opinion. One-how much detail are you going for? If you want it to be more realistic you could add more details. If however you are keeping it shadowy on purpose then you have a good level. I'm not sure what's happening with the crowd. That part is really confusing. Also her slavery is not really depicted. I mostly like it so far...but I want the rest ~_^
-GG
^_^
I'm trying to keep the short story, short! If I add more description then it will not be a short story. The crowd... look at it this way, the crowd is everyone the character has ever known. And while the character isn't exactly trying to convert people, the character is showing them a different life. The rest shall come soon, it's probably going to be split into 4-5 parts... but we'll see.
Stranger,
Don't tell me these are rough drafts--you'll make me wonder why I bother writing. And hey, if your words do come that easily, be grateful, and I'll try not to be jealous. Seriously, keep honing that God-given talent.
I don't want to just skim everything, so I'm going to have to come back later to finish your installments.
I'm sorry Sonic, they are rough drafts. Take your time, look around.
Post a Comment